Forever a Student: My Year of Self-Learning
🎶 Kilo Kish // Locket
If you follow me on any platform, you may have noticed that 2017 has been my least visible year to date.
In 2010 I started blogging, and it’s been an off and on journey ever since. Forever I’ve taken my passions, current interests and tried to figure out ways to package them up into quality blog content. My blogs always revolve around similar topics: natural living, lifestyle and motivation, wellness… that’s my my thing. But I always stop. I always stop.
I had to step back and ask myself… why am I doing this?
In order to answer that question, I had many talks with myself… you should see all of my journal entries, or be a fly on the wall in my mind during my meditations.
But seriously - I had to figure out why I couldn’t stay consistent.
When I first started blogging in 2010, Twitter was around but social media nor blogging was what it is today. It was purely a fun outlet. I knew I liked writing. I knew I liked blogs. I knew I wanted to somehow document my journal of going natural and my use of natural products, and so… I went to blogspot and created a blog.
If I shared my blog to Twitter or Facebook? I doubt it. I honestly can’t remember how anyone found my blog. I definitely wasn’t in tune to Google Analytics back then, so it’s honestly just as much of a mystery to me as it is to you.
However, I do know that since then… social media picked up. Pair that with blogging, and a whole new world was upon us.
In 2014 I started blogging again, the first time since 2011, and it was fun… at first, until I got sucked into the wave of “business blogging” and I completely lost myself.
Since then, social media has had its way of sinking into my mind, influencing me in more ways than I’d like… and ultimately, to save myself, I retreat - unfortunately, that means from my blog too.
I have to step back, look at what I’m consuming and creating and decide - is this me? Is this really what I want to put out? Or what I feel like I’m being forced to put out?
I always find my way back to social media, and back to my blog.
And every year, I have a deeper understanding of self, for which I am eternally grateful.
Winter of 2016 I just stopped. I stopped blogging. Not forever, but I had to figure out my shit.
I sat back and assessed. I watched people. I thought about all of the things I did. I thought about my goals; and I tried to decide where I fit into the mix.
I realized that - although I have a marketing background, love technology and all things digital - I realized that I desperately wanted out. I no longer wanted to be a part of the digital space.
Could I still accomplish my goals without an online presence?
Is what I’ve been doing, reaching and trying to figure out my place in the digital sphere worth it?
So I had to decide who I wanted to be, and what I wanted to offer, and did the internet serve a purpose in that space?
Ultimately, I decided that it does. And that I should no longer be fearful or hold hatred towards it.
I decided to run my own course, in my own lane, and seriously do my own thing. I decided that I no longer had anything to prove and that I owed no one an explanation.
I knew who I wanted to be and I began taking the steps to become her. And that meant stepping back - stepping back from social media, and blogging, to learn.
Learn as much as possible.
Back in 2016 during yoga teacher training, I was faced with the reality that in order to be a good teacher, I have to be a good student. And like my sorority, that meant a lifetime commitment.
In school I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed learning - I just knew I liked being smart. Now that I have control over my learning, I LOVE that shit, it’s all I want to do. And that means I’ve had a slow year.
Because I have nothing to prove, I have no desire to move too fast. I have no desire to learn as quickly as possible to regurgitate all that I know. Instead, I long to learn and live. Learn and live. Learn and live so that I can create the best possible way to share information that will impact my community. And that’s what my 2017 (and going forward) is going to be dedicated to.
“I'm not saying I'm gonna change the world, but I guarantee that I will spark the brain that will change the world.”
- Tupac Shakur
I thank you. Yes, you, for reading this far. Whether this is your first post, or you’ve supported me from the beginning I appreciate you. I thank you for allowing me to be human and step away sometimes in order to become my best self. As always, I invite you on my journey, so that we can be our best selves together.
I am just an artist. I am just a man. May not change the world. But let me inspire someone who can.